Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
