I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
