He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
