Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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