i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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