..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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