Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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