so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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