My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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