my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
