oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
