Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
