do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
