Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
