can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
