is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
