their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
