just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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