I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm like, not good at living.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
