so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
