some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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