And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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