i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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