M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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