i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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