Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
