You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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