Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
