I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize