how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
