its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
