So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
