I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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