sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i've created a new STD.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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