It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
