i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
