Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Still dying that you shit outside
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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