I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
