she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
