Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize