I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
