Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
