I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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