My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
