clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
