Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
