dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
