I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
