He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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