I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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