i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
