beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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