did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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