There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm too high and old for this...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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