Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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