bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
