if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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