Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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