You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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