I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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