I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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