She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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