i can't believe i had my finger in that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
