I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
