This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
