Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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