You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will be naked everywhere
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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